Why me? But not her?

Tuesday, May 30


I don't know if there are others who feel this way, but I feel the need to share this question that has been on my mind for months now. Ever since we found out I was pregnant I have felt guilty:

• Guilty because my heart aches for my infertility sisters still struggling and waiting
• Guilty because I was pregnant but not my infertility sisters who have been struggling for just as long or longer
• Guilty for trying to feel happy amidst all the darkness of everyone's infertility struggles

After 7 years I understand that achy feeling you get in your heart. The wanting so badly to be happy for others, but sad for yourself. That achy hole that no matter what you do to try and fill it, it never fills.

My heart aches every time I go somewhere where there are a lot of women. I know that someone in the room is going through infertility, and I am most likely a trigger for them. I want to just shout to everyone and tell them what it took for us to get to this point and that they aren't alone, and to never give up.

I do try and share ANY chance I get and let people know that after 7 years of trying, we got our miracle baby. I want people to understand how grateful Chase and I both are for this miracle. It's been a long hard road with its many ups and downs and we are forever grateful. 

I'm now 36 weeks pregnant and I still feel guilty at times. Not as much as I did when I first found out, but it can still linger. When we first found out, we chose to not share the news, and I felt like I was hiding this dirty secret. The first 20 weeks I felt like I was in limbo. The reason being, I felt I couldn't relate to my infertility sisters but I also couldn't relate to anyone pregnant.  I was struggling with feeling happy for myself but sad for everyone still battling infertility. I battled with those feelings for months.

Chase recently told me I have what is called "survivors guilt." I survived through the trenches of infertility, but feel guilty now for surviving and getting pregnant. After much thought, I'm pretty sure I know where those guilty feelings are coming from, Satan. Thankfully I know God well enough that He wouldn't put a feeling of guiltiness in my heart, but that of gratitude in my heart. I need to put more trust in God, and I need to express my feelings of gratitude more often.

So the million dollar question... Why me? But not her? While I am still struggling with those feelings of guilt. I have to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. We all go through different trials for a reason. For now, I don't know the reason why, but I will keep praying and encouraging those still struggling and who feel they are alone.


Don't forget! I'm selling the "Keep Calm and Pineapple On" shirt on etsy! Check it out HERE

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Other places you can find me:
Instagram: @runningwithinfertility1
Pinterest: Running with Infertility
Twitter: @runwinfertility
Bloglovin': Running with Infertility
Email: runningwithinfertilityATgmail.com
Facebook: Running with Infertility

The Reason I Opened Up a Shop

Tuesday, May 16


Last September I opened a shop on my blog. Before opening, I kept getting this feeling that I needed to do something more than what I was currently doing with my job. I had seen a lot of shops on Instagram and Etsy who took the money from their shop and put it towards treatment, and that was something I was interested in doing.

When I first had the idea (well before opening the shop) I wanted to put the proceeds towards helping us pay for fertility treatments. After our nonprofit was created I decided to put 10% of my funds towards the nonprofit to help give back to others. I have a big heart and my desire is to help as many couples as I can achieve their dream of becoming parents. I felt that this was one way I could personally help give back.

After talking with Chase about my idea we decided we could invest $500 of our own income towards getting it started. I first thought I would start with selling 1 shirt, then once those all sold or I made the majority of my money back then I would add an additional shirt. I didn't want to use debt to grow a business or constantly feel the need to pull money from our own pocketbook to help fund the business.

In my efforts to start the whole process I was scared, but I still had that strong desire to move forward with my plan. I'll be honest, putting yourself out there trying to sell products, can be very scary. I don't have design skills, or a lot of business knowledge, but I do have a passion towards helping other, and that is what has kept me moving forward. 

Chase then helped me design the "Keep Calm and Pineapple On." I used this idea because I love pineapple, and I know there are a lot of Trying To Conceive (TTC) sisters who eat pineapple after IUI's and IVF to help with implantation and reduce inflammation.



Pineapple itself has such great benefits and I've talked about pineapple before on the blog.

I know there are many of you still struggling with trying to get pregnant/stay pregnant and my hope is to spread awareness and encouragement through these shirts.

I recently started selling the shirt on Etsy as well as here through my blog. And I hope to add in a few more designs in the next few months.

* Are there any designs you've seen online that you've loved? 
* Do you love Pineapple?
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Other places you can find me:
Instagram: @runningwithinfertility1
Pinterest: Running with Infertility
Twitter: @runwinfertility
Bloglovin': Running with Infertility
Email: runningwithinfertilityATgmail.com
Facebook: Running with Infertility