Things That are Starting IVF: Having Strength to Move Forward

Wednesday, February 24


The days following Embryo Transfer are known as the dreaded Two Week Wait (TWW), and you usually wait until your period starts or your hCG beta blood test. About 5 days (Friday) after Embryo Transfer I started getting period like cramps. I was scared to death and worried beyond belief, but there wasn't any bleeding associated with my cramps. I went to bed paranoid that I was going to start my period (because it was scheduled to come that weekend), praying that I would keep the embabies we transferred. The next day I was fine until the afternoon, and I soon started spotting. I messaged a friend and she said to call the on-call nurse. The nurse said that spotting and cramping are normal, and not to be concerned, but she wanted to stay updated on what was going on with me and to call back tomorrow.

I woke up the next morning to find red blood all over my underwear and pad. Chase and I were devastated we thought for sure that I had lost the babies, and that my period had come. I thought how could my body do this to me?! I was so upset. I called the nurse back and told her, she said that she bled a lot through one of her IVF cycles and thought the same thing. She said to call the clinic in the morning and see if they could get me in for an early test.

Chase and I both were upset enough that we asked for the day off. We relaxed, grieved and went to see a movie. I got a call back from my IVF coordinator and she wanted me to come in for a blood test in the morning.

Tuesday I went in to the clinic for an hCG beta test, and yes, I was still bleeding, not as much, but still enough to have to wear a pad. I got a call later that day from my IVF coordinator, she said my hCG levels were at 11.5 (anything higher than a 5 is considered pregnant), she also said that it's common to spot while on suppositories. My RE wanted to put me on progesterone in oil (PIO) shots in addition to the progesterone suppositories, and I would start the PIO shots the next day. The added progesterone was to help thicken my uterine lining, because I had lost a fair amount of blood.

I got a call from the pharmacy shortly after speaking to the clinic and had the PIO shots over nighted to me. Chase gave me his first ever shot in the behind the following day. He hesitated for what seemed like 5 minutes. He finally ended up doing it, after my butt twitched and stung. Thankfully we both survived. My butt ached all night, but I knew that would happen. I read up on the PIO shots and tips and tricks to help with before, during and after injection.


I had my original hCG beta test, and my numbers increased to 46! They quadrupled! Which definitely was a great sign. I was excited and told to be cautiously optimistic by our clinic. We told our parents and they all seemed excited. That weekend I went with some friends down to St. George, and my friend ended up giving me my PIO shots! Alli is pretty great!

 Warming my butt up, while warming the PIO


My next test was Monday morning, and my numbers went up to 132. I had to wait till Friday to get my next test. The week went by and I tried to stay positive. On Friday I got the call from our IVF coordinator, she said my hCG levels had gone down to 106. I called Chase in tears and he said he couldn't stay at work. We both were devastated, and both in tears. The clinic wanted me to go in the next morning for an additional beta test. We were out to lunch with my parents when we got the call, it had dropped 1 point going down to 105. They wanted me to come back in on Monday for another test.

 All weekend we tried to stay cautiously optimistic, and hope for the best. I started studying up on anything and everything that could give us hope, that maybe our numbers would increase again.

After work on Monday I got a call from the clinic and my hCG level had dropped to 38. I was told I wasn't pregnant anymore, and that I was having a miscarriage. I was told to stop all of my medications; which included baby aspirin, PIO and Progesterone Suppositories. I made it to roughly 6 weeks pregnant before miscarrying.



My coordinator told me I had a chemical pregnancy. I started researching chemical pregnancy with IVF and found this great article that helped explain that it had nothing to do with my body, but it had to do with the embryos being abnormal. I'm glad to know that I was able to at least get pregnant, even if it was only for a few weeks.

Because Chase and I believe in life after death, we know that we will be with our babies again, even if they were only with us for a few weeks, and let me tell you that they were so loved in those first few weeks. That was their test and trial, and now they are back in Heaven. It is so heartbreaking, we are so heartbroken, but I have been given strength through my friends and family (and many, many blessings) that we need to continue to move forward with faith, and that Heavenly Father loves us and will take care of us.

I cry every time I start thinking about what happened (like every time). I never thought I would have to experience any more pain and suffering after dealing with infertility. I thought that we would get pregnant on the first try. I never thought I would have to endure a miscarriage, or even tell people I miscarried.

Since this has been an emotional roller coaster the past few weeks, I have shared little to nothing about what has been going on, mainly because I didn't want to answer a lot of questions that I didn't know the answer to. I also couldn't bear sharing good news, and then the next minute share the bad news. We are not sure what the next step will be for us, but will continue to move forward in faith.
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15 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear this news. Keeping you and hubby in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself. (HUGS)

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    1. Tedi,

      I am so so sorry. I had a chemical pregnancy and my first (and hopefully last) miscarriage at 6 weeks, 1 day pregnant this month. I found out I was pregnant on January 30 (I didn't test till day 37 of my cycle, because I didn't think I was pregnant...we've been trying 3.5 years to get pregnant and have never been before this). From January 30 to February 3, I enjoyed the best 4 days of my life knowing I was finally pregnant. And then on my 2nd beta on the 3rd, I was told my HCG was going down, from 111 on my initial test to 93 on the second. I started bleeding the afternoon of February 5. I can't believe how many emotions I have gone through since January 30. I agree with you that infertility was enough of a rollercoaster before, without having to experience a miscarriage.

      Praying for you. There is not much to say other than I know we will see our angel babies one day. For now, they are playing in heaven.

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    2. Thanks Lavonne! I have gotten a lot of love and support from all sorts of friends and family, and the TTC community is great!

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    3. Belinda! I will be praying for you as well! I'm so sorry you had a miscarriage too! We will see our angel babies again! :)

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  2. We love you guys so much. We grieve with you and pray for you. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I know that's not possible. Just know we are always here for you.

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  3. Oh Tedi. I know all to well how you are feeling. My first pregnancy I miscarried and we had just heard the heartbeat two weeks before and then it was gone just like that. My second pregnancy i miscarried due to a chemical pregnancy. No one should have to go through that feeling especially after all the stuff we endure dealing with infertlity. I am so so sorry! It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with. Why me, and why us? So many emotions that I went through that I am sure you are feeling. I just want you to know I have been thinking about you and praying for you and Chase. If you ever need anyone to talk to please don't hesitate. You will get through this and be stronger then ever!

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    1. Thanks for the love and support! I'm sorry you have had to deal with the heartache and sadness too. No one should have to go through it.

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  4. Tedi, my heart aches for you. I have experienced that same early loss more than once. There are just no words. No words to explain the injustice of your struggle. No words to take away that deep ache. No words to make you feel better or help you heal. Please know that I'm sitting here praying for you. Praying that what can't be communicated in words, can be felt by the Spirit. Praying for strength for you and your dear husband. Praying you can find distraction from the devastation if only for 10 minutes. it does get easier I promise, even after the second or the third time... It is amazing to me what heartache we are able to survive and triumph over. You will survive. You will triumph. You will be okay again. But for now, mourn your loss. Cry and scream and throw things if you need to (that helped me). You have every right to feel all the feelings. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I am really truly sorry. I'm sure you have wonderful friends and family in your life to talk to, but if you need a friend who has been through this exact situation, I'm available anytime.

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    1. I haven't wanted to throw anything - but I have had the desire to run hard and run for a really long time. It has gotten a lot better, and it had been quite some time before I actually posted this. :) Thank you for your support! I will definitely come to you with questions or if I need to talk. :)

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  5. I'm so sorry Tedi! You and Chase have been in my prayers, hoping you would get pregnant, and will continue to be in my prayers for comfort and peace. Remember that God knows all and has a purpose for this trial you and your husband are having- it is such a comfort to know that He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and most importantly all-loving .... The perfect combination for us to have comfort! Hang in there! ��

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    1. Thanks Sarah! He is so real and true and loving and full of grace. I just have to keep reminding myself that there is a reason for all of this. I just have to listen to what He has to say. :)

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  6. Tedi!!! My heart is aching for you and Chase. We love you both and wish soo much that things had turned out differently. I know that someday your "Sunday Will Come".

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    1. You and us both wished that things could've been better. It is what it is, and we learned from it. Hopefully this next time will be better. :) Thanks to you and TJ for being a great support! :)

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  7. Tedi you know I am here for you! I pray for you and your husband daily. You are very lucky to have so many people in your corner.

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    1. Sorry for the late response! Thanks Daisy!

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